It's Not Like This At Foxtons

"All train compartments smell vaguely of shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time. When you die you're going to regret the things you don't do. You think you're queer? I'm going to tell you something: we're all queer. You think you're a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheat on your wife? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There's an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, go ahead, be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won't live in it. That's me. You ever take a dump made you feel like you'd just slept for twelve hours? "

Last night we went to see Glengarry Glen Ross which is playing at the Apollo Theatre until January. It has a stunning cast, including Jonathan Pryce and Aidan Gillen (see above). It's by David Mamet and is about a group of real estate salesmen working in an ultra competitive office environment. At the end of the month, the person who sells the most real estate gets a Cadillac. The person who comes second gets a set of steak knives. Whoever comes last gets fired.

Ultimately it's all about macho posturing and who is more of a "man" than the others. Gillen's character, the unscrupulous Ricky Roma, is the alpha male in the office, number one on the board and able to spiel sales crap of such magnitude that it staggers the imagination. His rant above is used as an introduction to a client who he meets in a seedy restaurant. By the end of their meeting he has convinced the guy to sign up for thousands of dollars worth of real estate. It's Sayeed from The Apprentice times infinity. Gillen is superb and gets all the best lines with Jonathan Pryce also great as the desperate Shelly Levene, down on his luck and clawing at a way out from the abyss, voice occasionally cracking as his negotiations become more and more frantic.

The first half of the play exists in a kind of diner stasis, setting up the characters, getting the audience used to the language and exhausting the swearing dictionary. It's only in Act Two when events start interfering that things get really nasty as the cast become like a pack of animals fighting for number one spot and a way out of the office hell. It's all relentlessly American-It seems unlikely that staff at Foxtons are quite so hardcore about things.

It's a short play at just over an hour and a quarter in duration. But that was plenty. The dialogue is so intense that in the end it becomes something that is endured as much as it is enjoyed. Which isn't to say that it's not fantastic, just that you might want to plan a good lie down afterwards since you are likely to emerge drained of energy, swearing all evening like a builder. We suggest that you go and endure it, but go easy on the caffeine beforehand or you may end up offending somebody.

"You stupid fucking cunt. You, Williamson, I'm talking to you, shithead. You just cost me $6,000. Six thousand dollars, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it, asshole? You're fucking shit. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid fucking cunt, you idiot? Who ever told you that you could work with men? Oh, I'm gonna have your job, shithead. "

Lovely.